THE MARRIAGE COVENANT

THE MARRIAGE COVENANT

“And the Lord God said, ‘ it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a help meet (suitable) for him’…And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her to the  man  man.” Genesis 2:18,22

“And He (Jesus) answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He which made them in the beginning made them male and female, and He said, For this cause shall a man leave His father and mother and shall cleave to his wife; and they two shall be one flesh? Therefore they are no more two, but on flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.’” Matthew 19:4-6

 

“And Isaac brought her into his mother’s tent, and took Rebecca, and she became his wife, and he loved her, and Isaac was comforted after mother’s death.” Genesis 24:67

 

“And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee…” John 2:1

 

“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2

 

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4 NIV

INDEX:
- MARRIAGE, A TREASURE FROM HEAVEN
- WHAT DOES MARRIAGE IN THE BIBLE LOOK LIKE?
- THE INGREDIENTS OF A GODLY MARRIAGE:
     1- THE PRESENCE OF AUTHORITY
     2 - MARRIAGE ACCOUNTABILITY:
           a - ACCOUNTABLE TO FAMILY
           b - ACCOUNTABLE TO SOCIETY
           c - ACCOUNTABLE TO GOD
     3 - FAITHFULNESS
- THE COVENANT
- THE SIN OF FORNICATION
         IS A COMMON-LAW UNION AND FORNICATION?
         FOR THE CHRISTIAN...
- CONCLUSION

 I have addressed this topic ever so carefully with the hopes of rekindling the faith and hope that God's design for marriage brings, and to help shore up the borders. However, the last thing I want to do is bring contention or hurts to anyone with the regards to the material covered. The topics are delicate and I trust they will be considered in the love and grace of Jesus Christ. 

 

                       MARRIAGE, A TREASURE FROM HEAVEN

 There are perhaps two events that tend to bring joy and gladness in almost every society and culture; marriage, and the birth of a child. These events have been the ordinance and plan of God our Heavenly Father from the foundation of the world. Not only were they designed for the propagation of the human race, but the families formed were to be the smallest cells of the society and were to generate a healthy environment to raise the next generation. The bond of this relationship was to be love.

WHAT DOES MARRIAGE IN THE BIBLE LOOK LIKE?

  The very first marriage recorded in the Bible is the union between Adam and Eve. God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a help met (suitable, adapted, completing AMP) for him.” Genesis 2:18.  And so He formed Eve out of Adam’s rib, brought her to him, and the marriage was consummated, no pomp, no ceremony, but officiated by God Himself.

 One of the next marriages we see in the Bible was the marriage between Isaac and Rebekah. Abraham sees that his son needs a wife and sends his servant to find a wife for him from among his own people. The servant meets Rebekah who was a member of his father’s relatives. She accepts the marriage proposal and the father and brother agree to let her go. She returns with Abraham’s servant and when they arrive, Isaac takes her into his mother’s tent and the marriage is consummated Genesis 24:1-67. In this passage again there is no indication of any celebration, pomp, or ceremony, and perhaps there was one, but it was obviously not an important detail if there was.

 The next marriage indicated immediately after that was between Jacob and Rachael, and at that wedding a feast was held Genesis 29:22.

 Now all the other details are not important at this point, we are looking at the marriage covenant exclusively. It is mentioned that Esau took wives, no ceremony was indicated, but with all of them, including Noah’s wife and his son’s wives, that is exactly what God called them, "their wives". Even Jesus, when referring to the days prior to Noah’s Flood, that, “They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage…”

But in the same passage regarding Sodom and Gomorrah, there is no indication of marriage, “Likewise also as it was  in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, the bought, they sold, they planted, they built; but the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed.” Luke 17:26-30 (the underlined portion is just a reminder of how serious this time is for us).

 As a side note to these two times in History, in the days of Noah, violence was the predominant form of iniquity (read the Genesis 6, 18-19 and the blog, NOAH’S FLOOD AND SODOM AND GOMORRAH) and in Sodom and Gomorrah it was sexual immorality. If you will notice the difference between Jesus’ descriptions of these two activities; during Noah’s day the consistent regular activities were eating, drinking, and marriage, but no prosperous activities like commerce, planting, and building, were mentioned. During the days of Sodom, there was commerce, planting, and building, but marriages we not mentioned. Violence inhibits a thriving economy and development in society, but sexual immorality does violence (so to speak) to wholesome and godly relationships. Both sins are an abomination to God and will face His fierce wrath if not repented of. Both of these sinful activities are demonically inspired and destroy lives and souls! Matthew 24:37-39, Luke 17:26-30

  Now as we look in the New Testament, the traditions are more apparent. In John 2, at the marriage of Cana of Galilee, we see a very elaborate wedding ceremony. As societies develop, traditions and ceremonies also become more involved. Is there a common tread between all these?

THE INGREDIENTS OF A GODLY MARRIAGE

NOTE – Most every healthy and established culture and people group around the world, and even what the 1^st world considers primitive peoples, have firmly established marriage rituals and laws. Contrarily, broken or deteriorating cultures have loose or no marriage standards.

1-    THE PRESENCE OF AUTHORITY

Regardless of the differences of how the marriages or weddings were carried out, whether with celebration and ceremony or not there is one huge similarity, the godly ones were carried out under authority. With Adam and Eve, God Himself conducted the marriage. Abraham was the one who set up Isaac’s marriage and Rebekah was given under her father’s consent. With Jacob it was the same, he had to go through Laban, the father of Rachael and Leah, for the hand of his daughters.

Does that mean that every marriage must be carried out under the parent’s consent? No, Esau did not get his parent’s consent. The apostle Paul said that we are free to marry whom we will, but only in the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:39

But a wise decision seeks wise counsel.

2 - MARRIAGE ACCOUNTABILITY – TO FAMILY, TO SOCIETY, TO GOD

 - Marriage is a huge responsibility and not merely a ‘love affair’. Lives are fused together, and under God’s design, it is ‘until death do we part’.

ACCOUNTABLE TO FAMILY

Vulnerability – is one of the most critical issues of marriage for both the husband and wife because of the deep intimacy. Love and faithfulness is it's shield. But the borders of concern extend much further, especially for the woman and children, and in some cultures it is an extreme concern. Laban expressed his concern for his daughters and grandchildren in this manner to Jacob, “These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children….The Lord watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another. If you shall afflict my daughters, or if you shall take other wives beside my daughters, no man is with us, see, God is witness betwixt me and thee.” Genesis 31:43, 49-51.

 When a couple marry, the male leaves his father and mother and takes a woman who is under the care of her parents, to be his wife. There is a transfer of responsibility passed on from the father to the son-in-law for the care and well-being of the man’s daughter and the children that are likely to follow.

 The Biblical order for a family, therefore, is that the father relinquishes  the role of provider and protector and passes it on to the husband. The female moves out from under the care of her father and submits to her husband as the head of the newly formed household (Ephesians 5:22, Titus 2:5). On this basis she also takes on her husband’s name. Although this particular aspect is not specifically addressed in the Scriptures, the concept is therein brought out and they become one, Ephesians 3:15. The complete picture is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Ephesians 5:22-23

 In the case where one or both parties are completely out from under parental care, the responsibilities are still the same. The safety and protection of the wife and children are the husband’s/father’s responsibility, and if he defaults or dies, the mother takes up the full responsibility. If she defaults or dies, the society or extended family takes on the care of the children (hopefully)

ACCOUNTABLE TO SOCIETY

 When a new family is forming it will grow and affect the society they live in. Consequently the society has a vested interest in the marriage as the outflow of the family will directly affect its well-being. Nowhere in the Scriptures does the Lord license any society to control the family, but where there is a violation of His laws from within the family, it can become a social issue, such as with negligence, adultery, or abuse. In some cultures the immediate family can deal with it, but if there is no extended family the society’s laws likely have standards to provide protection and justice (or should). In this case, the society’s legal system is to become the hand of God to bring about justice and health.

 Because of the connection and effect of a marital relationship, most societies have a standard for marriage along with the associated terms and conditions. There is a contract drawn out binding the couple to its terms and conditions in order for the marriage contract to be considered valid and enforced. This often not only secures the union in a legal manner, but also integrates them into the society as no longer two individuals, but a unit.

ACCOUNTABILITY TO GOD

 The souls of all people ultimately belong to God, “Behold, all souls are Mine…” Ezekiel 18:4. Therefore all accountability is to God, whether people acknowledge Him or not. He has placed governments in place for that very purpose, to carry out His justice and judgments in society (whether He is acknowledged or not). This is His way of bringing stability, order, and safety, Romans 13:1-8.  Stable homes produce stable individuals, which produce a stable society, which are the feet a healthy nation stands on.

3 - FAITHFULNESS -

 The superlative aspect of any marriage is faithfulness. That is a true mark of commitment and love. Being faithful to each other intimately, being faithful to our individual responsibilities as a couple, and being faithful to our accountability are the milestone of a wholesome marriage, especially when sealed with love. In this grows a healthy family, which helps produce  healthy individuals, which helps produce a healthy society and a healthy nation before God the Creator of all. No marriage is likely perfect in every aspect, but generally, through the grace of God, we can attain to a blessed and wholesome married life. But we need to work at it and constantly humble ourselves. When pride and self interest takes the seat of priority in the marriage, the relationship is strained, imbalanced, and can break down, affecting not only the spouse, but the children as well. The order should be: God first, the spouse and children second, and self last. In the end, you will most blessed and happy with this arrangement.

 THE COVENANT –

 God is a God of covenants, and most all of His dealings with mankind are through covenants, and where covenants are required there His blessings and promises flow. A breach of covenant is extremely serious, and so it is in a marriage. In the marriage covenant the terms are faithfulness until death. The care and responsibility of one another is also expected, each according to their responsibility before God. Even if God is not known or recognized, the society usually upholds and enforces this type of concept. To get a grasp of how seriously God considers covenants, Moses, while on his way to Egypt to speak to Pharaoh, the Lord nearly kills him because he did not circumcise his son, which was the sign of the Israeli Covenant with God. Under the law of God, adultery (unfaithfulness in the marriage covenant) is punishable by death. Even though in Christ we are not under the penalty of the Law, it is still a very serious sin.

THE SIN OF FORNICATION

 The sin of fornication is unfortunately a common form of adultery in society for many reasons. Adultery is sleeping with someone who is not your spouse, and that covers all sexual sins, including homosexuality  (Leviticus 18:22, 1 Corinthians 6:9). Fornication, specifically, is sexual activity carried on outside of the realm of marriage. The Bible calls fornication ‘defrauding’ (1 Thessalonians 4:3-6) which means to swindle, cheat, rob, embezzle. In other words, taking something not rightfully yours to take, or taking in an unethical manner. By fornicating, you are taking (or giving) what will actually belong to someone else, and if neither party ever marries, you are bound to that individual until death, for “the two shall be one flesh.”  NOTE – Refusal to commitment is acceptable after fornication, but a genuine repentance before God is demanded. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4 NAS.  The issues of unwanted children/abortion, STD’s, and wounded individuals has not even been addressed.

IS A COMMON LAW UNION FORNICATION?

FOR THE NON CHRISTIAN –  I am in no way promoting this, and I will only give what I perceive from the Bible. I have found that by meddling in such sensitive business people can be very seriously and dangerously hurt.

- The criteria that God  has set for a marriage to be regarded as valid is:
 1 - between a man and a woman
 2 - that it is to be recognize by the proper authorities
 3 - holy and undefiled by an outside party
 4 - is a bond between the couple until death separates them. 
 Therefore if a society or government regards common law union a form of marriage, it is likely valid before God, but under His required terms and conditions, regardless.

UPHOLDING THE MARRIAGE STANDARD IN A COMMON LAW UNION

“Therefore if the uncircumcision keeps the righteousness of the law, shall not his uncircumcision be counted for circumcision? And shall not uncircumcision which is by nature, if it fulfill the law, judge you, who by the letter and circumcision does transgress the law?”

Romans 2:26-27  If we consider the principle of this passage and apply it to marriage, if a common law couple remain faithful to each other all their lives, and yet a so-called married couple are unfaithful to each other, which ones truly reflect God’s standard for marriage?

- Ignorance to God’s laws and separation from Him is also another consideration

“And the times of this ignorance God winked at, but now commands all men everywhere to repent:” Acts 17:30

 Again, we are not attempting to promote lawlessness, but as the Scriptures teach, those on the outside of the church God judges (“1 Corinthians 5:13)  and by far, their greatest need is salvation, and the rest usually takes care of itself as they yield to the Lord. There are couples who genuinely are not aware of God and or His statutes. Little doubt the Lord takes into consideration the knowledge and understanding of each individual. The apostle Paul, referring to himself regarding his violent behavior prior to his conversion stated, “…but  I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.” 1 Timothy 1:13

    A Common- Law union is not a Godly standard but a worldly one and likely an expression of lawlessness; nevertheless the couple is still accountable before God, but in His timing, and through His leading. As disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ we are to set the example of a Godly Marriage and leave the Holy Spirit to draw others to Himself, and we preach the Gospel.

FOR THE CHRISTIAN

 For professing Christians to be living in a common law situation, is another issue, and one that the leaders of the church must delicately handle, “Brothers, If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” Galatians 6:1

 There may be a situation where they are new converts and the Holy Spirit has not yet convicted them. Or perhaps there may be some technical or legal situation, or who knows what. But if they are committed to each other we need to be ever so careful, especially if children are involved.

 Now to address Professing Christians - what God our Heavenly Father expects of us as His children is much higher than what He expects from those who do not know Him and who do not have His Holy Spirit living inside them. Let me challenge you with these verses:

“Therefore to him that knows to do good, ad does it not, to him it is sin.” James 4:17

“For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.” 1 Samuel 15:23

“Let no man despise your youth, but be an example of the believers, in word, in conversation (conduct), in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12

 Dear brothers and sisters, once we know God’s holy standards we are justly expected to comply, and our reasoning needs to be qualified by His Word and counsel, not ours. Remember, God is a God of Covenants, and if we attempt to operate outside His covenants we make ourselves a target for our adversary (the devil). As we step out in faith unto obedience, the Lord will supply the help and support we need. He is so Faithful. Obedience is an expression of genuine faith!

 It is understood that because there are so many delicate situations,  wisdom, patience, and prayer are the way to approach each one.

CONCLUSION – Marriage is a covenant and a treasure from God our Heavenly Father, and is to be regarded as such, valued with care, kept by love and faith, and the rewards are almost matchless in this life.