DEALING WITH THE FALLOUT WHEN YOU HURT SOMEONE
DEALING WITH FALL OUT
“If it be possible, as much as lies
in you, live peaceably with all men.” Romans
“Blessed are the peace makers, for
they shall be called the children of God.” Matthew 5:9
INDEX:
- YOU MUST FEAR GOD, AND CARE IF YOU HURT SOMEONE!!!
- FALLOUT SITUATIONS
- IDENTIFYING AND ACCOUNTABILITY - Parents and Leaders (especially church leaders)
- ABSOLUTE MUST-NOTS
- THE ROAD TO REDEMPTION, GAINING THEM BACK
- WOUNDS THAT YOU CANNOT HEAL
- YOUR FALL, SOMEONE ELSES PAIN
- WHAT THEN? WE ARE OUR BROTHER'S KEEPER!
- OFFENCES UNDER THE JURISDICTION OF OUR FAITH
- THE DOWN HILL SLIDE
OFFENSE IS TAKEN ... THE OFFENDED PARTY'S WOUND
THE OFFENDING PARTY, WHAT IS YOUR DUTY?
- WHEN NO APOLOGY IS WARRANTED, YET OFFENSE IS TAKEN
- CONCLUSION
YOU MUST FEAR GOD AND CARE IF YOU HURT SOMEONE!!!
INDEX:
- YOU MUST FEAR GOD, AND CARE IF YOU HURT SOMEONE!!!
- FALLOUT SITUATIONS
- IDENTIFYING AND ACCOUNTABILITY - Parents and Leaders (especially church leaders)
- ABSOLUTE MUST-NOTS
- THE ROAD TO REDEMPTION, GAINING THEM BACK
- WOUNDS THAT YOU CANNOT HEAL
- YOUR FALL, SOMEONE ELSES PAIN
- WHAT THEN? WE ARE OUR BROTHER'S KEEPER!
- OFFENCES UNDER THE JURISDICTION OF OUR FAITH
- THE DOWN HILL SLIDE
OFFENSE IS TAKEN ... THE OFFENDED PARTY'S WOUND
THE OFFENDING PARTY, WHAT IS YOUR DUTY?
- WHEN NO APOLOGY IS WARRANTED, YET OFFENSE IS TAKEN
- CONCLUSION
YOU MUST FEAR GOD AND CARE IF YOU HURT SOMEONE!!!
One night right after getting off shift I decided to call a friend of mine who was still at work, just to tease him in my usual manner. I thought it would be fun and he was always good for a laugh. As soon as he answered the phone and I went at it with the sarcastic digs, at least what I thought was funny. He stopped me in my tracks and said, "You know, Gerry, the things you think are funny are hurting people. You don't realize how many people you have hurt with your jokes, and that your are actually being used by the devil." I understood what he meant. I was saying things that the devil knew would hurt them. I was shocked and at a loss of what to say. I was horrified and so ashamed. I had not idea. After all, I was merely trying to be funny.
A well-known law in physics is – to every
action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Even in the realm of human
interaction it can be much the same. More than we realize, often people’s
treatment of us is a reaction to our treatment of them, whether intentional or
unintentional. True, actions and words are easily miss-interpreted, and the
following reactions may not seem warranted or just, but their behavior is a reaction to how they were impacted or perceived to have been treated. As
disciples of Jesus Christ, our God-given duty is to live as peaceably with
people as much as possible. Where there is conflict, and as we are able, bring
a peaceable solution without compromising righteousness and truth. This is one
of the places where Jesus’ teaching of the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:38-48) comes to play in our lives, and in Him we can do
it. As already mentioned, can you imagine what the world would be like if all
people actually practiced these amazing teachings all the time?!
FALL OUT SITUATIONS
When considering the topic of “Fall Out”, what I am referring to here are the effects or side-effects of our words and actions on those around us, especially those closest to us. Our old habits, or our pride, our ignorance, our selfishness, our carelessness, our malice, our indulgences… can do great harm and damage to those around us, especially to those closest to us, and most especially to those under our care who are inescapably vulnerable to us - our children. Dear Lord Jesus, help us be ever so sensitive and careful with our words, actions, attitudes, and motives! And Lord Jesus, please help us gain and maintain clarity in following Your sensitivity and care for the world and people around us.
FALL OUT SITUATIONS
When considering the topic of “Fall Out”, what I am referring to here are the effects or side-effects of our words and actions on those around us, especially those closest to us. Our old habits, or our pride, our ignorance, our selfishness, our carelessness, our malice, our indulgences… can do great harm and damage to those around us, especially to those closest to us, and most especially to those under our care who are inescapably vulnerable to us - our children. Dear Lord Jesus, help us be ever so sensitive and careful with our words, actions, attitudes, and motives! And Lord Jesus, please help us gain and maintain clarity in following Your sensitivity and care for the world and people around us.
CARELESS WORDS – “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings
healing.” Proverbs 12:18 NIV
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it
will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21 NAS
THE NEED TO BE ALERT AND SENSITIVE –
Let us cut right to the chase, Jesus
made a most serious statement...
“You have heard that it was said by them of old time, ‘Thou shall not
kill,’ and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of judgment: but I say unto
you, that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in
danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, ‘Raca’ shall be
in danger of council: but whosoever
shall say, ‘You fool’ shall be in danger of HELL FIRE. Therefore if
you bring your gift to the altar, AND THERE REMEMBER THAT YOUR BROTHER HAS OUGHT AGAINST YOU, leave there your gift before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to
your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:21-24
Dear friends, this is so very serious! In our
day to day life experiences we can inflict serious harm on someone and be
completely oblivious to it. Where we can do the most damage is to the people
closest to us, and as previously stated, especially to those vulnerable to us,
our spouse, and our children. A sharp or careless word, or even worst, a
habitual nasty, critical, mocking word or expression (“…reckless words pierce like a sword…” ) may have well hit the
mark and sunk into their heart and mind creating a deep and terrible wound. We may have even thought that it was
funny, meant nothing of it (or claim to have), or that they deserved it, but
the damage it could do can send them spinning into a downward spiral (“Death and life are in the power of the
tongue…”).
The makeup of every individual varies, and whereas one may easily disregard it another may take the same statement to heart. Some individuals, especially as children, take statements to heart, and evaluate themselves by it. It can destroy their self-confidence or self-image. It may make them feel devalued and worthless, and thereby try and compensate in any number of ways, all of which are harmful, even dangerous. This is the devil’s opportunity. Others may have a completely different spirit and go in the opposite direction and fall into bitterness, resentment, defiance, hate… Between these two examples there are scores of other possibilities “For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man…” James 3:2. But notice what Jesus is saying here. They can become so bitter that it could lead to their eternal damnation - and God expects you and I to do something about it! So much so, that before we attempt to render an offering to Him, He wants us to rectify the situation.
The makeup of every individual varies, and whereas one may easily disregard it another may take the same statement to heart. Some individuals, especially as children, take statements to heart, and evaluate themselves by it. It can destroy their self-confidence or self-image. It may make them feel devalued and worthless, and thereby try and compensate in any number of ways, all of which are harmful, even dangerous. This is the devil’s opportunity. Others may have a completely different spirit and go in the opposite direction and fall into bitterness, resentment, defiance, hate… Between these two examples there are scores of other possibilities “For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man…” James 3:2. But notice what Jesus is saying here. They can become so bitter that it could lead to their eternal damnation - and God expects you and I to do something about it! So much so, that before we attempt to render an offering to Him, He wants us to rectify the situation.
IDENTIFYING AND ACCOUNTABILITY
PARENTS and LEADERS (ESPECIALLY CHURCH LEADERS)
PARENTS and LEADERS (ESPECIALLY CHURCH LEADERS)
The first area of hurt and offense to
address is between a parent and their child – “The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit
who can bear?” Proverbs 18:15
The parents' role before God is to care for the
precious lives He has entrusted into our care. That requires not only providing
for health and safety, but also the correct instructions and disciplines that
will enable and prepare each child for the life set before them, and eternity. In an ideal setting, they
will enter the world healthy, confident, strong, and with excellent moral
behaviour. Therefore, the safest place for every child should begin from within their mother's womb until the day they walk out of their home (the womb of a family) to face the world. Sadly, all too often this is not the case.
As a parent, you need to constantly observe
their behaviour and development as well as scrutinize the way you speak to and
discipline your children. Normally the husband and wife team work together at
this and help balance the weaknesses and strengths of the other, and prayerfully
seek the Lord for the counsel and direction for each child.
PLEASE NOTE – The younger the
child the less they will be able to communicate to you, process, or even
understand, what happened to them or how they are feeling, and because you are
the adult, they would not likely dare to if they could. So you must evaluate
yourself how they are affected by your words and actions. You will likely
notice behavioral concerns, however, before reacting to them, we need to stop, evaluate,
and identify the driving force behind the concerns. Remember, much of their behaviour is a reaction and or a means.
ABSOLUTE MUST-NOT'S
As a parent we must never attack (and not just physically), mock, laugh
at, humiliate, over correct, reject, condemn , falsely accuse, compare with
others, our children. These can be so damaging, especially if done repeatedly. Many of
us have failed at these at one point or another, but that does in no way
lighten the seriousness of it. LOOK - without needing to attempt to analyze your children, if you have treated them in any of these ways - YOU MOST CERTAINLY HAVE HURT THEM. And if you find there are behaviour problems, rebellious attitudes, mischief, or a broken character, and so on... guess what. You may well have been the source, and not by just being a poor disciplinarian.
THE ROAD TO REDEMPTION - GAINING THEM BACK
OWN IT! If you have hurt them you must FULLY
ACKNOWLEDGE IT, in NO WAY JUSTIFY YOURSELF, and in whatever way possible MAKE
IT RIGHT!!! What is more important, your pride, BEING RIGHT, or winning your child??? If you don't win them someone or something else will.
REPENT BEFORE GOD – Those are His children, and when we fail or hurt them, we sin against Him
Whose they are, and to Whom they actually belong.
HUMBLE YOURSELF – Go to them and confess that you were wrong. Children are so amazingly forgiving
when they are young (but it comes less easy as they get older). To win them
back, and to rescue them from downhill slides, it is so worth it and absolutely
necessary. Remember we have an adversary, the devil, who is waiting for every
opportunity to bring harm when there is a breach in a relationship.
CONSIDER YOUR WAYS – The way we react and do things are often the by-products of learned
habits, lack of discipline in our lives, or un-Christ-like thinking patterns.
You must identify these and clean them up or you will have a reoccurring
problem. Furthermore, you are likely carrying these out in your other
relationships as well.
REMEMBER – the older they get, the
less time you have to mend the situation.
THE WOUNDS YOU CANNOT HEAL –
There are things that we cannot rectify, wounds that we cannot heal, situations that we cannot change, but we have a Heavenly Father Who can heal the broken hearted, bind up every wound, and make all things new. And through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ we can commit it to Him and pray. He will do what He will, and we can trust Him for the best. But also be aware that He is not obliged to make amends for all our acts of disobedience, foolishness, and neglect. Remember the fallout with King David’s son Absalom? We reap what we sow and we may not be the only one who pays.
PRAY!
Keep praying for your spouse, your
children, yourself, and watch your ways constantly. Church leaders, the same goes for you and the flock of God.
YOUR FALL, SOMEONE ELSE'S PAIN
Recently a friend told me of an instance in his church that disturbed him. This man stood up and testified how He had fallen into sin, and how the Lord so wonderfully restored him, gave him a new start and a new wife. The people all clapped and cheered. Any work of the grace of God is wonderful, of which all of us are beneficiaries. But what disturbed this brother was the destructive wake of this man's offense. He was saying that if this brother had truly repented, what did he do with regards to help heal the devastated lives of his former wife and their children? What about them? They suffered the most from his fall.
While working as a provisional Chaplin in the Correctional Center, I would watch a number of inmates claim they gave their heart to Jesus, but what I rarely saw was a deep regret for the people they had hurt. A true sign of repentance ("...bring therefore fruits worthy of repentance." Luke 3:8) is genuine grief for the people we have hurt in our lives because of our sins. Cain answered the Lord after killing his brother, "Am I my brother's keeper?" Genesis 4:9. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart , O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17. Love is the primary fruit of God's Holy Spirit, and if we have truly turned to Him it should show in our repentance, brokenness, and willingness to do what is right.
POINTS OF CONSIDERATION:
- True, we are still in the flesh and will likely miss some things, all of us have.
- Not all relationships are repairable, and perhaps should not be???
- In Christ Jesus the past has been cleansed
- Time, distance, and changed circumstances may render any chance of contact let alone reconciliation not possible unless the Lord enable it
- There are times when attempts to reconcile that are not led of the Lord can do more harm that good.
WHAT THEN? WE ARE OUR BROTHER'S KEEPER!
Depending on the direction of the Holy Spirit, make every attempt to reconcile with those we have hurt. Wholeheartedly humble yourself, do the best you can and ask for their forgiveness. After you have earnestly apologized and they refuse, keep the channel open, but draw back and pray for them with the hopes they will, at least for their sake, accept your apology. Again, unless the Lord directs, it is up to them to make the next move. Pressing the issue will not likely help. Keep your heart open.
NOTE - There may be a missing piece in the situation that you have not addressed which had really hurt them, and until you see and acknowledge it, they will likely remain closed (An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." Proverbs 18:19 NIV). Ask the Lord to reveal anything you may have missed. Beware that it is not concealed in a cocoon of pride.
OFFENCES UNDER THE JURISDICTION OF YOUR FAITH.
YOUR FALL, SOMEONE ELSE'S PAIN
Recently a friend told me of an instance in his church that disturbed him. This man stood up and testified how He had fallen into sin, and how the Lord so wonderfully restored him, gave him a new start and a new wife. The people all clapped and cheered. Any work of the grace of God is wonderful, of which all of us are beneficiaries. But what disturbed this brother was the destructive wake of this man's offense. He was saying that if this brother had truly repented, what did he do with regards to help heal the devastated lives of his former wife and their children? What about them? They suffered the most from his fall.
While working as a provisional Chaplin in the Correctional Center, I would watch a number of inmates claim they gave their heart to Jesus, but what I rarely saw was a deep regret for the people they had hurt. A true sign of repentance ("...bring therefore fruits worthy of repentance." Luke 3:8) is genuine grief for the people we have hurt in our lives because of our sins. Cain answered the Lord after killing his brother, "Am I my brother's keeper?" Genesis 4:9. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart , O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17. Love is the primary fruit of God's Holy Spirit, and if we have truly turned to Him it should show in our repentance, brokenness, and willingness to do what is right.
POINTS OF CONSIDERATION:
- True, we are still in the flesh and will likely miss some things, all of us have.
- Not all relationships are repairable, and perhaps should not be???
- In Christ Jesus the past has been cleansed
- Time, distance, and changed circumstances may render any chance of contact let alone reconciliation not possible unless the Lord enable it
- There are times when attempts to reconcile that are not led of the Lord can do more harm that good.
WHAT THEN? WE ARE OUR BROTHER'S KEEPER!
Depending on the direction of the Holy Spirit, make every attempt to reconcile with those we have hurt. Wholeheartedly humble yourself, do the best you can and ask for their forgiveness. After you have earnestly apologized and they refuse, keep the channel open, but draw back and pray for them with the hopes they will, at least for their sake, accept your apology. Again, unless the Lord directs, it is up to them to make the next move. Pressing the issue will not likely help. Keep your heart open.
NOTE - There may be a missing piece in the situation that you have not addressed which had really hurt them, and until you see and acknowledge it, they will likely remain closed (An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." Proverbs 18:19 NIV). Ask the Lord to reveal anything you may have missed. Beware that it is not concealed in a cocoon of pride.
OFFENCES UNDER THE JURISDICTION OF YOUR FAITH.
As the church, and Christians in general, we have a long history of offences due to unjust treatment, carelessness, selfishness, and many forms of neglect in heeding God's Word, and/or not following the leading of the Holy Spirit. We have hurt and stumbled untold amounts of people from following Jesus. "'For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you,' as it is written." Romans 2:24
This is extremely grievous. If we hurt someone in our own name, they may hate us (which is serious), but when we hurt someone in the name of the Lord, they may end up rejecting Him as well. Certainly people will be offended regardless of whether you intended to hurt them or not. You may not have even been careless let alone malicious, yet they may take it wrongly and the devil will use it to take them and whosoever will join them, down the dangerous road of bitterness.
- Depending on your connection with the individual or individuals, and specifically if you are guilty in the matter, you need to make every effort to reconcile with them for the Lord's sake, and their salvation's sake!
NOTE - To reconcile does not mean to endorse sin, but to clear unnecessary wounds. In other words, if a person is caught in a sin, personal accusation and so on are not of God, but a loving admonition from the Word of God is what is needed. HOWEVER, all apologies must be in absolute earnest, love, and even brokenness. For the sake of helping provide a healing and deliverance, (very carefully) absorb as much as you can, and let God vindicate you. Jesus, our Example, absorbed our guilt to reconcile us to God. "For He had made Him to be sin for us, Who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him." 2 Corinthians 5:21
THE DOWNHILL SLIDE
OFFENCE IS TAKEN - A wound is inflicted through careless or cruel words, lies/false accusations, let downs, an unwarranted attack... or perhaps an assumed offense was embraced.
- THE OFFENDING PARTY is oblivious, or worst, unconcerned about the offense
- THE OFFENDED PARTY'S WOUND begins to fester like an infection in an open laceration. Wounds or offenses sometimes trigger a number of other unresolved or sensitive issues, and perhaps may be the breaking point of the endurable capacity for that individual. The offending party might realize that the other party had taken offense, but considers it a trivial issue and no offense should rationally be taken, and in a regular circumstance they could be right. But for the offended party, as mentioned, it may have served as the dynamite cap that inflicted a very serious wound and brought many hurts to a head.
THE OFFENDED PARTY'S DANGERS
- Anger sets in, and rational thought leaves
- The feeling that rights and justice have been denied, and personal vindication is required and becomes the predominate objective
- UNFORGIVENESS is assumed to be justifiable - NOTE - Your hurt may very well be justifiable, and your case right, but God your Heavenly Father still requires you to forgive, or you will receive none from Him. "For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions." Matthew 6:14-15 NAS. We can quickly forget how much the Lord has forgiven us, and likely do not even realize it.
- THE NOOSE TIGHTENS, your anger will turn into bitterness and you will be unwilling to compromise. Instead hate will be nurtured and your thoughts, concluding only the worst, can turn into damnable speech to your own destruction.
- EMBRACING YOUR WOUND AND SELF-PITY. This is easy to fall into and is a snare of the devil, but the Lord holds you responsible. We are to take our wounds to Him, Who 'heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3 If we don't, it then becomes the devil's play ground, which ends in devastating consequences.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
- Chose once again the cross and surrender your offense and case to Jesus Christ. Allow Him to vindicate you and your cause, and heal you!
-FORGIVE as he commanded and pray for the offender(s)
- Let the faith and love of Christ flow again!
REMEMBER - If pride gets in, it will keep you from reconciliation or any reasonable compromise - this goes for both the offended and offending parties - Unbelief is another dangerous hindrance when God wants you to step out in faith.
THE OFFENDING PARTY - WHAT IS YOUR DUTY?
- Humble yourself, go to the offended party and reconcile, even if you have (at least in your own estimation) done no wrong, and so much more so if you have been careless, even a little! What we may down play as a trivial offense to us, could be a severe wound to them. No less than if we strike someone with a heavy stick and think it did not injure them is how we can treat someone's wound through our carelessness. OWN IT and make it right as soon as possible. The Lord requires of you!
- AS MUCH AS YOU ARE ABLE - help rescue them from their downward spiral. "Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. IF you say, 'But we knew nothing about this.' does not He Who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not He Who guards your life know it? Will He not repay each person according to what he has done?" Proverbs 24:11-12 NIV
- BEWARE OF RESPONSIBILITY SHIFTING - "That is their problem," or, "They have to forgive and get over it." Just because you meant no harm, or 'they took it wrong,' does not mean that God does not hold you responsible to make every attempt to help rescue them from their downward spiral. Leave your gift at the altar and rescue your brother, even from his own assumptions and attitudes if at all possible. You may have done far more damage than you realize, and God holds you responsible to take action. Matthew 5:23-24
- BEWARE OF DOWNPLAYING OFFENSES AND HURTS- We can easily sweep away a situation thinking it was a trivial incident especially if we are assessing the incident from our perspective being ignorant of the impact on the other. Pray about it earnestly before you walk away or turn your back - PLEASE! Notice how the father of the periodical son went to appease and reason with the older son who was actually angry at him (the father). What do you think might have happened if he did not try and reconcile with his eldest? That, my friends is true love and understanding. The Bible says that careless words pierce like a sword Proverbs 12:18. We read these words casually, but because we live in a generation that does not use swords it means little to us. Can you imagine the severity of a sword wound? During the days of battles with swords, a huge percentage of the soldiers that died, died from their wounds. Careless words, careless ways, negligence, are not little issues when dealing with people. The effects can be similar to that of a bully, regardless of all our good intentions. Be sensitive and alert to yourself and to the reactions of others.
WHEN NO APOLOGY IS WARRANTED YET OFFENSE IS TAKEN
A REBUKE FROM GOD IS GIVEN - "Then came His disciples and said unto Him, 'Do You know that the Pharisees were offended, after they heard this saying?' But He answered and said, 'Every plant which My Heavenly Father has not planted shall be rooted up. Let them alone; for they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.'" Matthew 15:1-14
This is not a licence to go around rebuking everyone you consider to be in error, that is for the Lord to do, and or the appropriate authority. But if so directed, if the actions of someone is bringing harm to someone else, it needs to be called - for everyone's sake. And if they are offended, that is their own issue, but as much as possible, avoid any unnecessary offence.
CONCLUSION - Most of us have hurt people by our actions and words, whether intentionally or not, but God holds us responsible to humble ourselves, to be our brother's keeper, and as we are able, attempt to reconcile and bring healing. That is the heart of Jesus.
This is extremely grievous. If we hurt someone in our own name, they may hate us (which is serious), but when we hurt someone in the name of the Lord, they may end up rejecting Him as well. Certainly people will be offended regardless of whether you intended to hurt them or not. You may not have even been careless let alone malicious, yet they may take it wrongly and the devil will use it to take them and whosoever will join them, down the dangerous road of bitterness.
- Depending on your connection with the individual or individuals, and specifically if you are guilty in the matter, you need to make every effort to reconcile with them for the Lord's sake, and their salvation's sake!
NOTE - To reconcile does not mean to endorse sin, but to clear unnecessary wounds. In other words, if a person is caught in a sin, personal accusation and so on are not of God, but a loving admonition from the Word of God is what is needed. HOWEVER, all apologies must be in absolute earnest, love, and even brokenness. For the sake of helping provide a healing and deliverance, (very carefully) absorb as much as you can, and let God vindicate you. Jesus, our Example, absorbed our guilt to reconcile us to God. "For He had made Him to be sin for us, Who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him." 2 Corinthians 5:21
THE DOWNHILL SLIDE
OFFENCE IS TAKEN - A wound is inflicted through careless or cruel words, lies/false accusations, let downs, an unwarranted attack... or perhaps an assumed offense was embraced.
- THE OFFENDING PARTY is oblivious, or worst, unconcerned about the offense
- THE OFFENDED PARTY'S WOUND begins to fester like an infection in an open laceration. Wounds or offenses sometimes trigger a number of other unresolved or sensitive issues, and perhaps may be the breaking point of the endurable capacity for that individual. The offending party might realize that the other party had taken offense, but considers it a trivial issue and no offense should rationally be taken, and in a regular circumstance they could be right. But for the offended party, as mentioned, it may have served as the dynamite cap that inflicted a very serious wound and brought many hurts to a head.
THE OFFENDED PARTY'S DANGERS
- Anger sets in, and rational thought leaves
- The feeling that rights and justice have been denied, and personal vindication is required and becomes the predominate objective
- UNFORGIVENESS is assumed to be justifiable - NOTE - Your hurt may very well be justifiable, and your case right, but God your Heavenly Father still requires you to forgive, or you will receive none from Him. "For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions." Matthew 6:14-15 NAS. We can quickly forget how much the Lord has forgiven us, and likely do not even realize it.
- THE NOOSE TIGHTENS, your anger will turn into bitterness and you will be unwilling to compromise. Instead hate will be nurtured and your thoughts, concluding only the worst, can turn into damnable speech to your own destruction.
- EMBRACING YOUR WOUND AND SELF-PITY. This is easy to fall into and is a snare of the devil, but the Lord holds you responsible. We are to take our wounds to Him, Who 'heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3 If we don't, it then becomes the devil's play ground, which ends in devastating consequences.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
- Chose once again the cross and surrender your offense and case to Jesus Christ. Allow Him to vindicate you and your cause, and heal you!
-FORGIVE as he commanded and pray for the offender(s)
- Let the faith and love of Christ flow again!
REMEMBER - If pride gets in, it will keep you from reconciliation or any reasonable compromise - this goes for both the offended and offending parties - Unbelief is another dangerous hindrance when God wants you to step out in faith.
THE OFFENDING PARTY - WHAT IS YOUR DUTY?
- Humble yourself, go to the offended party and reconcile, even if you have (at least in your own estimation) done no wrong, and so much more so if you have been careless, even a little! What we may down play as a trivial offense to us, could be a severe wound to them. No less than if we strike someone with a heavy stick and think it did not injure them is how we can treat someone's wound through our carelessness. OWN IT and make it right as soon as possible. The Lord requires of you!
- AS MUCH AS YOU ARE ABLE - help rescue them from their downward spiral. "Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. IF you say, 'But we knew nothing about this.' does not He Who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not He Who guards your life know it? Will He not repay each person according to what he has done?" Proverbs 24:11-12 NIV
- BEWARE OF RESPONSIBILITY SHIFTING - "That is their problem," or, "They have to forgive and get over it." Just because you meant no harm, or 'they took it wrong,' does not mean that God does not hold you responsible to make every attempt to help rescue them from their downward spiral. Leave your gift at the altar and rescue your brother, even from his own assumptions and attitudes if at all possible. You may have done far more damage than you realize, and God holds you responsible to take action. Matthew 5:23-24
- BEWARE OF DOWNPLAYING OFFENSES AND HURTS- We can easily sweep away a situation thinking it was a trivial incident especially if we are assessing the incident from our perspective being ignorant of the impact on the other. Pray about it earnestly before you walk away or turn your back - PLEASE! Notice how the father of the periodical son went to appease and reason with the older son who was actually angry at him (the father). What do you think might have happened if he did not try and reconcile with his eldest? That, my friends is true love and understanding. The Bible says that careless words pierce like a sword Proverbs 12:18. We read these words casually, but because we live in a generation that does not use swords it means little to us. Can you imagine the severity of a sword wound? During the days of battles with swords, a huge percentage of the soldiers that died, died from their wounds. Careless words, careless ways, negligence, are not little issues when dealing with people. The effects can be similar to that of a bully, regardless of all our good intentions. Be sensitive and alert to yourself and to the reactions of others.
WHEN NO APOLOGY IS WARRANTED YET OFFENSE IS TAKEN
A REBUKE FROM GOD IS GIVEN - "Then came His disciples and said unto Him, 'Do You know that the Pharisees were offended, after they heard this saying?' But He answered and said, 'Every plant which My Heavenly Father has not planted shall be rooted up. Let them alone; for they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.'" Matthew 15:1-14
This is not a licence to go around rebuking everyone you consider to be in error, that is for the Lord to do, and or the appropriate authority. But if so directed, if the actions of someone is bringing harm to someone else, it needs to be called - for everyone's sake. And if they are offended, that is their own issue, but as much as possible, avoid any unnecessary offence.
CONCLUSION - Most of us have hurt people by our actions and words, whether intentionally or not, but God holds us responsible to humble ourselves, to be our brother's keeper, and as we are able, attempt to reconcile and bring healing. That is the heart of Jesus.
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