HOW I MET JESUS

 GOD CALLING

“Draw me and we will run after You!” Song of Solomon

  As a young boy growing up at that time, belief in God was just a part of life, and the most treasured memory of my youth and family life. Going to church was not an option; it was a duty. Praying at every meal was expected and what we just did. Although I did not know the Lord at that time, belief in Him was an anchor to my soul and a refuge. My first memory of a revelation of God was when I was very young, one overcast day, standing on our front lawn and looking up to the sky and I got a small glimpse of how big He is. Oh, how precious! I know now that that was the Lord beginning to reveal Himself to me. At Christmas time, the most precious memories were the peace everywhere, which I now recognize as His Presence. My favorite times were in the living room at night by myself, lying on the floor under the Christmas tree, looking at the nativity set my Dad had made, and wondering at the beauty of it all, feeling the love and peace of the Lord Jesus Christ.

  My favorite time in school was going to St. Patrick’s School as a young boy (until it was taken over by the government). Formerly the school system in Quebec was run by the Catholic or Protestant School boards until the 60’s when they were divided into the English and French Boards. In my grammar school years, the priests ran the boys’ school and the nuns ran the girls’ school, or at least the schools we attended. In the early years, the priests held special religious events. One that stood out to me the most was a call to prayer time in the name of some Saint named Dominic Savio (whoever he was) during recess, and almost the whole school went. I felt so blessed thinking to myself, “Isn’t it nice to see so many people who love God?” A couple of years later, when the rebellion of the Sixties hit, a prayer meeting was called, and just a very small percentage came. I felt so disillusioned thinking within myself, “ Not many people really do love God at all.”

 Now don’t get me wrong, I was no saint by any stretch of the word and am as much in need of the Savior as any.

  Another event that stood out in my mind was when we were attending a special service, I think at some Monastery, and seeing these big men bowing down before this God. I thought, “Who is this God that such big men would bow down before Him?”

GOD SPEAKS!!!

  As time went on and I was coming into my teen years and awareness was growing within me, at one point I began to think, “How do I know that there is a God. If there is no God, then believing in Him would be like believing in Santa Claus.” which would be absurd. So I thought within myself, “If there is no God, then it does not matter what I do with my life since I will die and so will everyone else? But if there is a God and He made me, then I will have to give an account of my life to Him.” 2 Cor. 5:10. So I figured that I had better find out if there is a God before I decide what to do with my life. Reasoning that to be the most critical issue of my life, I determined not to do anything else with my life until I found out. Consequently, I set out to do just that. Now, just how to go about finding out if there is a God I was somewhat unsure. I realized that it would be useless to ask anyone because I knew the answer I would get: “Of course there is a God!” Then they would get angry at me for asking. So somehow I had to find out on my own.” I remember daily wondering if there was a God and trying and figure out how I could find out. I do not recall spending a great amount of time occupying myself with the thought of being occupied with the daily tasks of living, but I would daily give thought to my objective. After some time, perhaps a month or so it seemed, one night I went out and down the steps of our back porch and looked up at the stars in wonder. I thought to myself that if He made all this, that He was not in it, but this was just His handy-work, Psalm 19:1. Then the thought came to me that if I wanted to find Him, I would have to be willing to give up everything. That was a scary thought. First of all, I was still very young and I knew that I needed my family, especially my parents, and I loved them. Then the thought occurred to me that I am going to die someday and lose them all anyway. At that point, I realized that it would be foolish to try and hold on to something that I am going to lose anyway and give up the chance to find God, which would be by far the most important issue of life. Luke 9:25 This was getting a little more tense, and fear started to grip me. Nothing in me wanted to go further, and stepping into the unknown by myself was a scary and lonely feeling. At that point, I determined to follow reason and press past my feelings. With agreement in my heart, I looked up to the sky again. I felt a Presence move toward me and a still, small voice spoke to me and said, “Here I Am. I have been waiting for you to come all this time.” Acts 17:27

  I fell back against the wall of the house and laughed and laughed for joy. I only wanted to find out if there is a God, but I never expected that He would actually speak to me. While growing up and hearing the Bible stories of how God would speak to certain people bothered me a little because I would wonder why God would speak to some people and not speak to me. I felt that I was a person just like them, and why would God not speak to me, or anyone else, for that matter?

 Well, all this being said, one thing that I determined was not to tell any of my family since I thought they would not believe me and would rather ridicule me, as was our family tendency, especially since I was already a little out there in my ways. Just ask any of them.

 This obviously radically influenced the course of my life. I was coming of age where my friends were starting to get interested in drinking and girls, and I knew that I had to stay away from all that, knowing God is real, and I did not want to sin against Him. That did not make it any easier. As you know we might not do certain things, but we are all sinners by nature. Not only that, although God had spoken to me, He still seemed millions of miles away, and whenever I sinned or thought I had sinned, I would ask Him to forgive me, but I felt no release, forgiveness, just a desperate hope in His mercy. John 8:24, John 3:3,5. At this point, I still did not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, God’s only Begotten Son. I highly respected Him as a Good man, but believing Him to be God seemed absurd. Something was missing in my life, and I knew it, but what? I spent evenings, weekends, and summers doing nothing but lying around listening to music and thinking all the while, daydreaming and trying to think things through. At one point, I came to the realization that we/I was capable of any kind of good or evil. That was a scary revelation. I was simply unable to do anything and felt totally incapacitated, only compelled to think and wonder, yet God was not in many of my thoughts. Still, I knew that I needed Him. Just knowing He is real was not enough, especially all the while Him being so far away and unreachable. At one point, my brother Mike said that I was never going anywhere and would spend the rest of my life at home. I knew that when I would find whatever it was I was searching for, I would be gone, and not that I despised my home. I just knew I had to go.

Mom’s Challenge – “JESUS CHRIST IS GOD.”

 One time at about 15 or 16 years old, my Mother challenged me and said that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, He is God. That made me mad. “He was just a man.” I retorted. It angered me that she could be so confident standing there smiling. That was totally foolish to me that God would make Himself a man, be born among us, and allow His creations to kill Him. That episode ticked me off royally. On top of that, Mom got my brothers and me into some books on the teachings of a Mexican Yaqui Indian shaman. We got right into it and experienced some very mystical things. I was looking for something to pour my life into, and this seemed to be what I was looking for. I had no love of use for the world, and this came across as a great way out of the ho-hum of everyday life. I was 18 at the time, and one evening in or around October I felt this was the way I wanted to go and felt ready to take the plunge. I already had some experience in transcendental meditation, but this was far more active and adventurous. There was just something still missing, and that had to do with God. He was not included, and I knew He could not be left out. The teachings of the warrior were so intriguing to me and I wanted to embrace it with all my heart. I always wanted to be a warrior, and I like a good fight/battle. Nevertheless, with God not being included, I knew I had to find out where He fit in. So with one last desperate effort before I would abandon myself into this (deadly and wicked deception) I figured I would give the Bible one chance. I never read it and knew very little about it. So I grabbed my mother’s Bible and opened it at the New Testament. I knew that much, and the Old Testament was much to long to tackle for me. So I began reading in the Gospel according to Matthew. I got to the Sermon on the Mount, and it started to come alive to me. When I read verse 8 where Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”, my heart leaped. I wanted to see God more than anything. I wanted to have a pure heart. As I read further where Jesus said, “Whoever smites you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also…” and so on, I realized that no one could do these but God, and yet Jesus Christ did it so flawlessly. He was a better warrior by their standards than they were. At that point, I realized that Jesus was the one and same God Who spoke to me that night several years earlier. Right then and there, I felt that I had been dead for 18 years and just came to life. John 3:3, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 2:5. God was no longer far away, but right there with me. My relationship with Him totally changed, yet not understanding why. I began spending time with Him regularly and fell in love with Him. I knew right then that I was ready to leave home, and in fact knew I had to. As much as I loved everyone and my relationships were finally improving, I knew that I had to get away. I decided to start a new life as far away as I could. So in the spring, I planned to leave home for Vancouver. I know now that that was God directing my steps.